forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
