You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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