haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
