i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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