Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
