Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Randomize
