We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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