Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I'm really busy with my period
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