I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
