his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
