You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
