ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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