There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Randomize
