the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
