yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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