From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
