Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
