I just pynch a tree in the face
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
