she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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