Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
someone owes me an orgasm
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
