Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
