I think I died a long time ago.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
