I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
