Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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