last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
