I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
