oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Randomize
