batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize