Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
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