Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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