Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize