walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
