but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
