anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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