I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
