Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
