i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
