Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Randomize
