Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
