i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
