I am puke
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
