i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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