By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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