he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
