i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
