i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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