i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
