I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize