he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
is wine microwaveable?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
