she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
