Rock
Scissors
Fuck
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
