I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Randomize
