The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
