i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
The power of my boobs compel you
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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