You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
