Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
