Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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