at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
