At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
