My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize