just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
