And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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