Everything about him screamed your future.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize