Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
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