dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
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