he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize