He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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