i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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