I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
