There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
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