I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
