my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize