Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
