I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
